Coping Through it All: I, a Black Woman, am Tired.

Disclaimer: This is a pretty sad post and I am talking about my depression, injustice in the black community and how it’s impacted me mentally, along with this pandemic. If you don’t want to read anything sad or trigger yourself, I recommend not continuing reading.

I woke up today feeling extremely down. I felt physically ill, but still pushed myself to get up and get online for work. And I thought to myself, wow this is what life is like now? We are in the middle of a pandemic, while also dealing with other social issues. As a Black person, I am tired and mentally exhausted. Along with everything that’s been going on in the world, I’ve been trying my best not to make posts about this pandemic or other things.

Mostly because I’m really sensitive to violence, and these are pretty heavy topics to talk about for me. Many lives have been lost to injustice, as well as a virus and there are many of us struggling mentally to cope with it all. It’s so weird how as a society right now, we’re expected to continue on with our lives and function as normal, when everything is not. I think maybe now people can sorta understand how Black people have had to do this, almost our entire lives. Live as if there is nothing wrong, despite the senseless killings of our people.

It’s so sad when you think about many how have even become desensitized to it. But for many of us it’s very traumatizing to have to see yet again, another Black death being broadcasted. It starts to take a toll on you. I’ve experienced way too much trauma for my liking, and it’s starting to tax my body mentally, and possibly physically as well.

How am I doing?

Lately, I kind of feel like I’m slowly spiraling. Around this time of the year, my mood starts to plummet and in the past, it has impacted schooling as well as work. It’s hard to try and put on this face for others, and appear “okay”. And I am not, at all. I have found myself wanting to sleep more than normal, to I guess escape. I sleep to avoid my problems, and deal with them later. There are times were I do have a slight shift in my mood, and I do something to cheer myself up.

I decided to share a list of things I do, when I’m feeling down. I think especially in a time like this, it’s really important to take care of yourself and do things that can take your mind off things for a little while. I’m obviously not a doctor, and these are just things that work for me.

Watching Anime

This is of course, at the top of my list. I literally rewatch HxH when I’m sad. I don’t know man, it’s just something about that child wanting to see his deadbeat father, that really makes me laugh. Can you imagine a parent playing literal games with you, just so you can meet them? Also the power of friendship really fuels my body. Saiki K is a close second. Deadpan humor cracks me up.

Cleaning

I don’t know about y’all, but when my room is clean, I feel like my life is sorta together, and I can do anything. Mess really gives me anxiety, so if I’m in a clean space, I’m motivated to want to be productive.

Get some sunlight Bro

As I mentioned before, my mood plummets around this time. This is because daylight savings time is ending, meaning it’s getting darker earlier. It’s extremely important to get as much sunlight as you can, if you’re one of those people who are impacted by lack of sunlight. Open your blinds and curtains, or invest maybe in one of those special light lamps. I have blackout curtains, and I make a habit to open them in the mornings, and keep them open all day, to deter me from trying to get back in bed.

Listening to Your Favorite Music

Okay so I’m a weeb and I have about 5 playlists that is just songs from anime movies and shows. I really love instrumental music, almost as much as music with vocals. One of my favorite soundtracks to listen to, is actually from My Neighbor Totoro. There’s like two versions (that I know of ) of The Path of The Wind and I really enjoy listening to the little chimes and strings and piano. Really takes me to another place.

Take a walk (safely)

As much as I am a homebody, I have found myself getting really antsy. I have a car, and in the efforts of not letting it just sit in front of my apartment building, I try and take drives. I don’t go too far, mostly to a grocery store, if I really need to. I don’t really like driving my car in the city, but I’m okay with driving on a highway now. I try and go to the furthest Walmart, and usually I’ll play music as I’m driving. Another option is taking a walk around your area (wear a mask) I like to walk to my local rite aid and peruse. I often see the mailman on my block, and we exchange brief hello’s. I know I could be a hermit, but human interaction is important right now.

Write it down

Journaling has helped me a lot through life. When I felt like I couldn’t talk to others, I simply write my feelings down and moved on. I think it helped me to understand my feelings about things more, just simply being able to write things down and reread it.

Social Media Break

I often take breaks from my main twitter account, because again, it starts to be a lot when you constantly see dead bodies strewn across your timeline, or another case of racial injustice being displayed on camera (This is your reminder to please trigger warn certain things, when you retweet bloody or dead bodies some of us can’t handle seeing those things.)

Reach out to Family Members or friends

My family has since started this zoom family session thing every Sunday evening. We don’t really talk about anything, but it’s just nice to see them. I realized last night that as an adult, sometimes we do things we don’t necessarily want to do, but in the long run (sometimes) it’s worthwhile. I’m close with my family but, I’m not gonna lie, spending an hour every Sunday to get on zoom, was not really on my list of priorities. But I found that after getting off zoom, I felt really good actually talking to family members I hadn’t seen in forever. In a time where we’re all scattered and not able to be close it feels nice that we can at least talk and see each other through a screen.

Seek Help (Respectively)

I’ve been lucky enough to be on my mom’s health insurance, but before I was doing teletherapy, in the past. Right now, I’m seeking a new therapist in my area and health network. If you feel like you are unable to cope with what’s going on, I recommend seeking professional help. Teletherapy has been booming lately. If it’s something you can’t afford, there are budget friendly options, as well as seeking assistance from our crappy government regarding healthcare coverage.

Do what you feel is best for You

We’re all different people. How you guys may respond to something, may not be how others responds. Just like what I mentioned helps me cope may not be what helps others. I recommend doing what’s best for you and you only. Also, if you’re the crying type, it’s totally okay to do that too.

I really hope that you all are doing the best to take some time for yourself mentally. It can seem so hard for those who are working from home. But I do implore you all to try and etch out a time just for you, to simply relax. I hope everyone is staying safe, those who are working from home, and those who are not. Times are really hard right now for some. While I am grateful to still have a job and source of income, I find myself still struggling to adjust to this new norm. I know this wasn’t a post about anime or anything but I hope you guys take away something from it.

Thoughts?

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