I’m back (Sorta lolz)

It’s your favorite inconsistent blogger aha ha

A very sad spring break

Um, lots has been going on since my last blog update post. I’m really not even sure where to start to be honest. I finally moved back in with my parental. And things had been going okay until my spring break started. About three days into what would have been a much needed break from work, I found out that my aunt passed away unexpectedly. It was honestly the last thing I expected to hear. I drove to NC as fast as my car would take me, and spent the following week there. It was hard. My mom has never lost a sibling before. And although I have lost family members before, I guess this one hurt a little more, because it was very unexpected. My aunt was completely healthy, so I guess it was more so shock to hear that she had passed. I considered myself close to my aunt. I spent quite a lot of time in her household when I was younger. I was around her often when I would occasionally visit from college. She always would make me these smothered porkchops. I’m gonna miss those.

I spent most of my break trying to hold it together for my younger cousins, whom I consider my siblings. I helped out my older cousin (my late aunt’s only child) tend to some things regarding her mother’s belongings. In the process, I also ended up adopting my late aunt’s cat. Most people who follow me on either of my twitter accounts, knows that I’m always posting my chaotic cat Woody. Now you guys get to see two cats 🙂 We had to get him up to date on shots, which was a hassle in itself (imagine trying to schedule a vet visit during Easter weekend) But we got it done, and I now am a proud cat mom of not one, but two cats.

This is Skye, he’s a cute chunky Siamese

I had always planned on adopting a kitten for my second pet, but when my mother asked me if I would be okay taking my aunt’s cat, I literally couldn’t say no. I think my mom wanted to have a piece of my aunt. And my aunt loved this cat so much. I’m not sure if cat’s can tell when their owners have passed, but Skye has been responding very well to Woody and I’m grateful for that. I’m hoping in a few weeks I can take both cats to a groomer, although Skye may not be so good with strangers yet.

Mental Health

We’ve reached the point in the year where my depression and anxiety peak. I’m not sure what it is about the months of March-May, but I have very little energy. I interact with people less and less, and my intrusive thoughts cause me to be very unhappy. That in turn, causes me to be very inactive when it comes to my hobbies. It’s hard for me to want to do anything, or even feel motivated. And this doesn’t only apply to my hobbies, but my work life as well. In the past, during this time, I struggled juggling work and school. Since graduating college, and moving back in with my mom, that suffocating weight has slightly lessened, but still I find myself dreading doing my job. With the death of my aunt, I kind of feel like I’m falling into an even deeper black hole. I’ve never been the type of griever to cry all day. I just sit in silence. Most of the time I’m just sad. I think what’s been really hard, is trying to console my mother. She breaks down every so often, especially when her other younger sister, and my grandmother calls her to cry as well. I don’t want to say or do the wrong thing. She’s currently flying back and forth from Ohio to Fayetteville, to be with my grandmother, which I think is good.

Good things?

I’ve been trying to get back in the groove of things, work and hobby related. There have been brief moments where I find myself having the energy to do something fun, like streaming games online. Adding yet another hobby to my long list? I never have many people in my streams, but my friends occasionally visit and watch me play. I think I may have even made a new internet friend as well. I hope to make more internet friends, considering the times we’re in. Also…making friends after college is really hard haha. Also working on trying to get me and my mom scheduled for vaccination (for anyone who doesn’t know it’s free so be sure to get vaccinated!)

What’s going on with the Blog Sis

I know I haven’t been posting on here as much, and I wont promise to be more consistent, because I’m actually tired of saying that I will be. There’s people who can schedule and bust out posts every single day, or every week. And I have come to the realization, that I am just not one of those people. I don’t like schedules, or deadlines or the mind set of having to get posts out the same week a show airs. That’s just not how I move. And it’s taken a year and some odd months of running this blog to accept that. I know that posting consistently may be key to others, but truthfully its not to me. I like posting when I want. And I’m not afforded the luxury of having the time to sit down and write posts. And sometimes, I really just want to watch an anime or read manga without thinking “alright, I need to have a post up about this.” I needed to take a step back and remember that this blog is a hobby. One that is not paying me at all. So I just needed to relax. My new goal is to have at least 2 posts per month out. What they’ll be about, I don’t know. I am no longer setting a schedule for myself. If I happen to make more than 2 posts per month, than it’s because I felt like writing, and not because I had to.

On to cooler things, I got a new icon done for the blog (and also my YouTube channel lol). I’m not sure why, but gravatar is being sucky and making it hard to upload the new picture. But here’s what the new icon looks like below:

I commissioned a very nice individual whose twitter @ is inkplash. I just loved the piece she did for BlerdyOtome (shout out to her for incorporating the Howard shirt!)

I did have a cool cosplay post that I wanted to have up, but with everything going on and my mental not entirely in the right space, I’ve decided to hold off on sharing any sort of posts that involve other people’s name being attached to it. I may be inconsistent, but there’s still some level of pride I have for this blog, and the things I post about on it. And if I’m not confident and ready to put it out yet, than I wont. But I still appreciate the cosplayers I have talked to about this post, and maybe in the near distant future I will publish it.

Some insights

I’m reading this post back, and realizing it’s all over the place, but that’s kind of how my life is right now. With my aunt’s death, it really just made me realize that life is too short to not be doing the things you want. Or to be caring about what other people may think of you. Although I have been struggling, I’ve really been trying to be more active about doing things that I want to do, without fear of judgement from others. I think this pandemic has caused some of us to be more involved in social media, and thus more involved in what a stranger over the internet may think about us. And we really shouldn’t. I just don’t believe in holding value in a stranger’s opinion of me. So this is anyone’s sign to literally just do what you want. Whatever it is. Do it without reservations, and without fear of judgment from others. Cuz they not paying your bills anyways!

I hope everyone is continuing to stay safe and until next post!